I borrowed this book from the library. The authors are a pastor and his wife: John & Helen Burns. Since I don't have a daughter yet, I just reading the part: What Moms Need to Know About Sons. I guest we'll borrow it again for Chris when God choose to bless us with a daughter. =)
It's a boy!
New mothers welcome this announcement with both excitement and trepidation. It's the beginning of a great adventure, as well as one of the most challenging jobs a woman can face.
A boy looks up to Dad as a role model. He looks to Mom for understanding and emotional support. Moms have the unique ability to personally counter every one of society's arguments in your son's heart and mind through words, actions, and example.
Boys Will Be Men
One of the greatest needs of a husband is a wife who is his cheerleader. Ephesians 5:33 says, “the wife must respect her husband." The most important words that a husband can say to his wife, or a father can say to his daughter, is "I love you," followed with an explanation of why. However, the most important words that a wife can say to her husband, or a mother to her son, is, "I'm proud of you," followed with an explanation. Males are all about doing, and praise is the fuel for their doing.
When we focus on the good things we see in our sons, we get more of those good things. A huge factor in determining who we become in life is the vision that others speak into our lives. As a mother sees and praises the character of the man in her son, she fuels his desire to become that man of character.
When you love, adore, revere, respect, and admire your son, you teach him how to be loved by a woman in the same way. You fuel his self-esteem and sense of self-worth and set a standard for his future. As a result, he becomes a strong, secure young man who doesn't have to resort to anger, control, or manipulation to build his future. Instead, he is able to attract strong, secure relationships, and one day chooses a wife who compliments his strengths.
As a mom, you can teach your son about true masculine character based on a healthy male ego. One of the best ways is by talking to your son about the men you love and why you love them. By doing this, you are actually seeding your son's heart with these very characteristics.
Dr. William Pollack explains in his book, Real Boys, "The real issue for the son of a single mother- or the son of any single mother – or the son of any mother, for that matter-is not the presence or absence of a man in the house but the mother's attitude toward men in general."
What Constitutes Real Manhood?
In order for a mother to raise a boy to be a strong, healthy man, she must first have a healthy vision of what constitutes real manhood. The world needs moms who have the wisdom, strength, and willingness to birth strong, healthy character traits in their sons. The most important are:
1. The Strength of a Leader. God gives a man wide shoulders for a reason. They represent the ability and responsibility to carry other-to shoulder the needs of marriage, family, and community. Real strength and leadership come from the heart. The men who influence and impact other people are the ones who live passionate, dedicated, and sacrificial lives. A wise mom sees and builds the heart of a leader in her son. Stay focused on the leader's heart in your son.
2. The Vision of a Provider. The ability to see into the future and desire good things for those in our world is strength greater than physical or financial power. Help him develop his vision by getting him to talk about his dream.
3. The Fight of a Protector. In addition to being providers, men have been created to be protectors of their marriages, families, and communities. It's important to note that the battle against fear is a spiritual battle; therefore, the greatest protection we have is spiritual. 1Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Mothers need to help their sons recognize the lying voice of fear and learn to overcome it.
4. The Heart of a Friend. Many men today are lonely and simply don't have a healthy sphere of friends. Only through relationship can a man discover his real purpose and destiny in life. A real man has a heart that nourishes healthy friendships. When it comes to relationship, mom is his son best coach.
Your son's spiritual, emotional, and physical health is vitally linked to his relationships. To have a healthy, fulfilled life, he will need to develop a heart that is tender, loyal, committed, and not afraid to sacrifice. More than anyone else in his life, you have the ability to help him become a real man-one who is a leader, a provider, a protector, and a true friend.
You can help your son understand how a woman thinks and feels. You can educate him on how to respect all women and treat them with dignity. You can be your son’s communication coach – as well as his model for what to look for in a prospective wife.
A wise mom will make sure that her relationship with her son transitions into friendship as he grows up.
Boys Will Be Dads
God's plan is for a boy to learn the tools of communication from his mother, and watch his father model them in his marriage. He needs to learn about real manhood from Mom, and then see Dad model emotional sensitivity, affection, and a godly male ego in his home. He needs Mom to encourage him in his masculinity, and then see Dad be a leader, a provider, a protector, and a friend. His understanding of sex needs to be healthy and positive, based on fatherly instruction, friendship, and coaching. With this equipping, a boy is prepared to become a real man and build a healthy marriage and family.
Reading this book makes me so thankful for my mother in law for investing her time, energy, prayers, and lots of love to raise up such a fine man that I have privilege to spend the rest of my life with. Give me the wisdom Lord to rise up my son to be a man who fear you, who love his family, and be a blessing for many.
