Lesson Learned: Our Time is Limited

Warning: This posting is quite gross and long.

As usual, I sit Max on the potty right after he woke up. He poop some and then stand up to check out the result. I thought he was done so I washed his bottom but then he said "eek" meaning he still want to poop some more but he refused to sit down on the potty since it got some poop already. So I went to the bath room to flush the poop.

Soon after, I heard him say " O...o..." I came back to find him pooping oatmeal kind of poop on the play mat and then stepped on it. Good thing he was wearing socks so I can just take off his socks and threw them in the bathroom sink to be cleaned later. I then told him to go back and sit on the potty while I grabbed some wet toilet paper and start cleaning the poop on the play mat.

I keep going back and forth the bath room to throw the soiled toilet paper in the toilet. Being a curious little boy, Max follow me to the bathroom to check on what I was doing. I let him stay in the bath room while I went back to the living room to finish cleaning the play mat. Soon after I heard him say, "MAMA..." I ran to the bathroom to find that he poop again this time on the bath room floor and mat. The poop was all over his leg too. Took a deep breath then picked him to wash him in the sink. *Don't worry if you often come by to my house. I clean up my sink really well everyday!* But then he saw the soiled socks that I put on the sink earlier so he start kicking and screaming refusing to be cleanse on the sink. Next thing I know the poop was all over my shirt.
Then I lost it. I cleaned his bottom and told him to sit down on his potty again until I'm done cleaning.

I was wrong and I feel like a failure. Then I started listening to negative thoughts in my head: certainly others can do better job taking care of your kid than you. Are you sure now about turning down the promotion that your boss offered you?

I went to apologize to my 20 months old. I then asked him to pray with me as I apologize to God and pray for wisdom, love and patience. It's amazing to see how kind and forgiving children are. Something we adults need to learn.

My awesome Heavenly Father knew exactly what I need at that moment. A friend just so happens forwarded me the story of a boy name Judson. Judson died on November 7, 2007 from Krabbe disease when he was 29 months old (9 months older than Max right now). In just a short time the disease caused him to become mute, blind, paralyzed, difficulty to breath, and then eventually killed him.

I was in tears as I watched the video.

I was also reminded of a mom's blog that I stumbled upon one day when searching for a recipe. I later on learned that the author has died from asthma attack at 32 years old.

Can't thank God enough for reminding me that I never know how much time I got with my kid so while I can I will enjoy, redeem, and treasure it. I put this here as a reminder for myself every time I'm down and start listening to negative thoughts.

I thank God for every second I can be home with Max. How can I not when I got to watch him laugh, grow, reach milestone upon milestone; got a lot of kisses and hugs; got to play, cook, bake, read, exercise any time I want. Sure we have less money and lots of poop and messes to clean but I'm happy and content.

My job is certainly not a prestigious, it's messy; it's mentally, time, and energy consuming at times. It's very humbling too knowing that I can't do this on my own. Thank God I don't have too. I have my Heavenly Father who give me wisdom, strength, and ability to nurture this precious child that He trusted in my hands.